Part of a reading from an online tarot card site today: See if you are still being influenced by the part of yourself that cuts short your enthusiastic, optimistic impulses. Do not deny this pessimistic tendency. Failing to recognize the truth only causes repression that flares up in another part of our psyche. Instead, seek to understand and accept the hesitation and the fear you may feel, and come to terms with them. Then you can put some old emotions in their rightful place–out of the way.
I have always been rather optimistic in that I would KNOW when I was going to get what I want. However, there have been some areas where, for most of my life, I have NOT gotten what I wanted, and optimism there is kind of a foreign body. I want to say that I’m “cautious” because that sounds reasonable, but I can’t let myself get away with it. It’s not caution, it’s hesitation to really commit out of fear of disappointment. One good thing is that while I’m looking at this aspect of myself it DOES feel kinda… stale. Like another old habit. But it’s a comfortable habit that has allowed me to believe in the illusion that I was somehow safe as a result of adopting that stance.
My mind says, “But what you are WANTING hasn’t shown up yet!” and once again that does sound reasonable, doesn’t it. However, I can also feel that there ARE those enthusiastic and optimistic impulses inside here, and those impulses, to me, are based on the energy coming in. And yes, the energy coming in has not “shown up yet” in physical form. But I’ve been getting really good at reading that non-physical energy – except in this case where I’ve been avoiding what it’s trying to tell me.
I don’t suppose I can let myself get away with “cautious optimism”… or maybe I can – that would be a way to start letting myself FEEL it without feeling like I’m being too foolish. Then I can also show myself that feeling it won’t kill or hurt me. See – I want to learn to FULLY trust my impulses and intuitions because when I do, they’re always right. Often I’ll even act on them when the reality of the situation seems quite different and it always works out perfectly. I want that in this arena too.
I suppose it’s also no ‘coincidence’ that I woke up with that Huey Lewis song in my head, “It’s all right – have a good time – cuz it’s all right…” Well – I’m working on it!