In keeping with the recent "monkeys" theme I offer this... The other day John and I were driving home in the evening. There was a strong wind and the fog from the coast was steadily creeping over the hills and into town. As we watched it roll in, we drove around a corner and spotted a local car dealership that had a humungous inflated ape on their roof (with the sign "monster sale" on it). I pointed and said, "Look! Gorilla in the Mist!"

Well, I didn't say it was GOOD, all I said is that it had a monkey theme. *grin*
posted:9:02 AM | link |

In honor of the year-ago, first quote ever in the Out-of-Context Quotes Blog, "This is the real world - people don't just hand out free monkeys," I offer this story that has been passed around the web for a while now, resurfacing usually after I've forgotten about it but needed a good laugh. (Author Unknown) It's called, "I Like Monkeys" and this is the original as I have known it - don't be fooled by imitations - people trying to make the writing more dramatic as its style should be simple and deadpan or changing "genitals" to "face" - just wrong *grin*

I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds, and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys. I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better. I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they liked them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys.
posted:8:31 AM | link |

We watched a tape of the Dungeons & Dragons movie the other day. First off, I can see why the critics panned it when assessing it like you would a 'normal' movie. *grin* IF, however, you approach it like you would either a regular ol' D&D game or a cheesy, very D&Dish fantasy novel, it can be a lot of fun. Yes, most of the actors seemed to be ACTING and weren't necessarily convincing, but a lot of that actually smoothed out halfway through - not all, but a lot. There were mazes and dragons and traveling, a young, indignant aristocratic mage, a couple of buddy thiefs, a gruff dwarf ("Elves got no meat on 'em - you gotta find yourself a good 250 pound dwarf woman with facial hair you can hold onto!"), a 230+ year old elf tracker, a healer/cleric, evil wizards, young rulers... and most of them seemed like they were humans playing these roles as if in a game - LOL - or trying just a bit too hard. (Except for the Thief Guild leader - one of the more convincing performances in the entire movie.) As John said though - you couldn't really make a movie called DUNGEONS & DRAGONS any other way - heh heh. Having said that it really IS a lovely piece of eye candy though. *grin* I have much higher (and more serious) expectations for the Lord of the Rings though, and I'm feeling certain they are treating Harry Potter well too. Can't wait for November!
posted:11:22 AM | link |

I had my camera with me the other day when we were driving by the cows and the little white bull calf was really close to the car. He jogged away at first but then I called, "Hey - hold on there - we just want to take a picture of you!" And he actually stopped and waited - LOL....